I wonder if I truly have depression or if I just have normal anxiety. But normal anxiety shouldn’t make you feel like you don’t wanna be alive at times.
Have I grown so accustomed to putting up so many facades that they’ve now created a duality within me? One side being the me that feels anxiety all the time, the other side being the me that’s always bright and exuberant? I wonder which side is the real me and which is the facade.
I don’t ever wanna visit a therapist because I hate opening up to people I don’t feel close with.
I wouldn’t wish how I feel onto anyone. I wish I didn’t feel so broken and split at all. I wish I could just be the side of me that’s always happy. Maybe if I got more and more used to acting that way, I’ll easily become it completely….but the bottom line is, I can’t ever deny when I feel sad. In hindsight…facade isn’t the right word to use to describe my dichotomy — because I always genuinely feel the emotion at feel that moment.
Perhaps I’m just easily upset. Maybe I just really don’t know right now and shouldn’t dwell on it.